Gaping Holes in Irish Internet
May 8th, 2006
I got the Sunday Tribune today, and was pleased to be greeted by the broadband coverage map made by Damien Mulley and John Handelaar. There it is in big bold font: “Gaping holes in Irish internet”: Mulley 1 - 0 Eircom.
Noel Dempsey’s spokesman admirably exhibits the art of saying nothing but saying everything, in the generic please-everyone response:
“Broadband is a top priority for the minister because it is an essential building-block for the knowledge economy. While the minister is not satisfied with the current situation, significant progress has been made over the past two years”.
I’m happy with that response from the government, because the score remains at 1-0. But the fatcats never lose. Enter Eir“SUCKERS OF SATAN’S COCK”com. David McRedmond took a break from projectile vomiting to respond: “Your mother’s in here, Damien. Would you like to leave a message?” before going on to say that the map is “grossly misleading”. I wish I had been interviewing David McRedmond when he said that, because my next question would have been “SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MORON”. Where exactly is it misleading, let alone grossly misleading?? Is that not a map of Ireland? Are those yellow blobs not marking every enabled exchange? Does this map not actually make Eircom’s coverage look far better than it really is?
Mr. McRedmond, I will give you an example of something that is misleading:
“we are making broadband available as much as it is anywhere in Europe, and this is a fantastic achievement”
I could never be a reporter, or a politician, because when someone comes out with a statement like this, I just can’t let it rest. To me it is an assault on humanity, because somebody might believe it. It brings me back once again to the Islamic cyber-terrorists threatening our safety with their Battlefield 2 mod - as long as you have stupid reporters who don’t research anything and ignorant politicians who dont know anything then we will never have progress.
Adolf Hitler asserted that the masses will more easily fall victim to a huge lie than to a small one. Forget about your “uhh its not as bad as it seems” approach - reach for the stars: “its fantastic”. This is an old trick, and by far the most effective way to cover up for a complete disaster. It used to happen at Intel - somebody fucks up and theres a crisis in the department, all hands on deck trying to restore productivity, and next thing they’re all queueing up at the award ceremony, patting each other on the back. Eircom’s “fantastic achievement” in enabling all these exchanges in the past year has been made possible by their ABSOLUTE INCOMPETENCE in the preceding years. Do you want me to praise you for being YEARS behind schedule?
Thank you Ireland Offline for having the patience to stand up to this, because when it comes to technology, our politicians are rabbits in headlights, with myxomatosis. Just look at the Health Service Executive and their cutbacks last year - then count up how much they pissed away on everything IT related. And I’m not just talking about their payroll system. As long as you can keep the “fantastic achievements” coming in your monthly reports, then you’ll never have to worry.
I’m not even going to start on the electronic voting saga. Before they’re allowed stand for election, every prospective TD should complete a mandatory two weeks “WAKE THE FUCK UP” course in technology.
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May 8th, 2006 at 7:18 am
Well said James!
May 8th, 2006 at 19:15 pm
Actually if you notice they constantly defend themselves with “You don’t understand, this is how much we spent.”
They fail to say “this is how much of YOUR money we spent” and again fail to say “this is how much of YOUR money we spent on something that isn’t actually a solution.”
May 10th, 2006 at 14:09 pm
Further, have you noticed how “but look how much money we spent” is in fact their answer to all criticisms on all subjects?
Garda numbers, the health service, broadband - always the same response.
If ever a bunch of pols were open to a concerted attack on the grounds that they’re profligate *and* to no effect, this is it. Fortunately for them, nobody in Irish politics seems capable of getting a concerted campaign together. A thousand paper cuts will just annoy them, while what’s required is a metephorical shotgun to the head.