James Galvin

The woman at the counter grunted to inform me that there was no ketchup. Cafe Kylemore will win no awards for service, but my god, what joy their sausages bring. No better way to say goodbye to Corcaigh and to Ireland… that is at least until Lennox chipper opens in the new terminal. I wonder if they’ll be open for the early flights… what a fine breakfast my traditional fare would make - breast in a bun, curry chips (with two onion rings “accidentally” thrown in for free if its not busy) one cheese and onion pie and a battered sausage. I’d skip the fried chicken on account of it being 6am.

There was a time when Cork airport was, without a doubt, the best airport in the universe. You could relax with Jack Charlton beside the well-stocked fish pond. You could tip your hat to Christy Ring before a quick game of Tekken 2 in the arcade. There were exotic fish tanks everywhere, and the whole place was pristine clean without a queue in sight. Getting off the plane, you could be carrying a nuclear bomb and the passport man would wink and let you through. I estimate that 2001 was the beginning of Cork Airport’s descent into mediocrity. In fairness, it is still a decent airport, and I don’t expect them to maintain the high standards they set for themselves in the past.

As much as the idea of a Lennox breakfast appeals to me, Terminal 2 - aka “the moneypit” can only be bad news for those of us who like to get off the plane and back home in 26 minutes (my current record). The long term parking lot is a disaster. A little minibus which can fit approx 4 and a half people put-puts back and forth to airport, so if you have a pram and some luggage you might as well call a taxi. At the moment I’m sitting outside gate 5 (I didn’t even know there was a gate 5) with my Examiner.

Trout stocks in Shannon threatened by chub. The irish Fisheries board have decided to clamp down and ban the introduction of new non-irish species into Irish waterways. Does this mean that it wasn’t illegal before now? I can’t even bring a turnip into the country from Romania, but up until now it would have been OK to set loose a colony of these Eastern European wels catfish?

Drink ads are banned during Joey. The examiner claims that “the hit TV series” attracts many young viewers. I’m wondering how they can label this a hit TV series when it got axed in its second season after ratings dropped 89%. And whats all this about attracting lots of young viewers? Feel free to correct me on this, but I don’t think there is anybody in Ireland (young or otherwise) who has watched more than 1 curiosity-satisfying episode of this absolute flop.

Shay Given has been granted Freedom of Donegal. This means that he can graze his sheep in Gweedore Park, and plant guns in any caravan he chooses.

Finally, cheers for the completion of the Mitchelstown bypass. Although Cheeseville was never as deadly a bottleneck as Monasterevin or Abbeyleix, there have been times when I caught badly caught there (usually during a festival or a rally). Thats another 10 minutes saved.

Cork City will face Apollon Limassol of Cyprus in the first qualifying round of the Champions League. The winner will then go on to play Red Star Belgrade (aka FK Crvena Zvezda). All the qualifying round fixtures are here.

I have never heard of Apollon Limassol but Heres where Wikipedia comes in handy:

In 2006 Apollon won the Cyprus First Division championship title, while being the only undefeated team in Europe. Apollon hasn’t had a defeat for the last 30 league games (since 12 March 2005 - today).

While the league of Cyprus might not be the highest standard, that is a very impressive statistic, and this looks like a very difficult fixture. A number of them play for Cypriot national team, and they’ve also got three Iraqis who probably train with a concrete football, and a bunch of Eastern Europeans including at least one former Polish national who played in World Cup 2002.

Cork City are top of the league again after beating Drogheda United tonight, but do not look as strong as last season. It would be too much to ask for a repeat of last year’s performances against FK Ekranas and in particular the heroic win over Djurgårdens IF. I’m looking forward to this, the match will take place on the 11th or 12th of July.

Derry City face familiar opposition in the UEFA Cup - former winners IFK Göteborg. Cork City played them in the UEFA qualifiers in 1999 - Göteborg won a flattering 3-0 in Denmark, while City won 1-0 in Turners Cross. Drogheda United will face the Finnish team HJK Helsinki.

Michael Jackson flew in today and according to RTE, he will be staying at Blackwater Castle in Castletownroche. Locals speculate that he may have come to attend their far-famed fortnightly jumble sale. Others reckon that he’s actually going to stay with Michael Flathead. Either way, you’d think theres no need for the masks in Cork airport - and with the size of those bodyguards he’s hardly going to get mobbed. You’re not in Neverland anymore Mick, show some respect!

I was never a big fan of Red FM - most of the music doesn’t appeal to my taste (although there are some good shows like Green on Red), and like the Peoples Republic of Cork forums they tend to go much too far with their Cork self-parody. While its better than the alternative (fake accents as provided by 96fm’s Nick “C3P0″ Richards, or Hollywood “I-went-to-New-York-once-when-I-was-a-teenager” Hayes) I often cringe at some of the stuff they come out with in the hope that Cork people will approve - in particular those clowns in the morning who think they are funny but make me embarrassed.

Initially, I had tarred Victor Barry with the same brush, but turns out he is a very funny guy (with a great blog). He says some outrageous (in a good way) things on the radio and I don’t know how he gets away with it. The first time I realised this was last Christmas - I was genuinely shocked as he described the sexual connotations that he associates with the stuffing of the turkey… well beyond the “Men Behaving Badly” sketch. Tonight he killed the opposition on the underage drinking debate by describing with disgust the older male predators on Junior Cert results night in Cork, “they should be dragged out and have the shit beaten out of them with golf clubs”. I don’t know how he has the patience to deal with some of the fools he gets on Cork Talks Back, but fair play anyway - he might not be right in everything he says but at least he listens to people.

You could compare to his opposite number over in Sydney Place - Neil “I’m-not-racist-just-as-long-as-they-stay-out-of-my-country” Prendeville. Here are some memorable quotes from him:

• <Neil> Idle hands make light work
• <Neil> he was paralysed from the spine down
• <Caller> I have catholic taste
  <Neil> Ah come on now, in this day and age?
• <Neil> (about the Heineken European Rugby Cup) Toulouse has won it three times, while Leinster Tigers have won it twice.

There are loads more but thats all I could think of for now - feel free to add your own.

Joe Gamble has been drafted into the Irish squad for the training camp in Portugal and friendly against Chile. This is the first time a Cork City player has been in the Ireland senior squad - although there have been times in the past when it was clearly deserved.

Gamble, from Togher in Cork, was one of the best players in the Eircom league last season, and remains consistent this season. He’s a great midfielder and thoroughly deserves to be there - hopefully he’ll be given the chance at Landsdowne Rd. on 24th May to prove that.

Tom’s Sporting Almanac has previewed the upcoming hurling championship, with a look at each of the contenders. A good article - until he says he thinks Kilkenny will just scrape it.

Cork’s major worry will be about injuries. They do not have Kilkenny’s numbers, but their quality overrides any deficiency in quantity. However, injuries to the likes of Diarmuid O’Sullivan, Sean Og O hAilpin, the O’Connors or Ronan Curran would be debilitating, especially if they occured amongst their inspirational defendsive division.

For anyone who doesn’t usually listen to Cork’s 96fm - tomorrow is a good day to tune in. Even the rest of ye who are not in Cork would do well to listen in online, because the Celebrity Voices competition is there for the taking. Each word “Corks” “Perfect” “Music” “Mix” “96″ “FM” is spoken by a different celebrity, and five of them have been correctly identified. The unidentified celebrity voice saying “Perfect” is a male actor who plays in a commanding role. All of the incorrect guesses are here. If anyone knows who it is but can’t get through, please tell me so that I can win it and I will give you half a third of my winnings.

I have a bone to pick with you. You’re losing me sleep. I’m holding you directly responsible for my current situation, one of domestic anguish. Because of the relentless gunshots and sirens, I stayed up until midnight frantically drilling rawlplugs, filling cracks, boarding up the back windows with sheet steel. I then lay awake stewing over the perfect Crown colour to hide the bloodstains in my living room, ruminating over where to place the mirror to give that perfect illusion of depth to make my 700sq. ft. flat seem large enough to house my 14 illegitimate children.

I think that painting my tiny hallway with a burgundy suede will match the listless colours of the rundown neighbourhood. Maybe I’ll add some uplighters. Back to Woodies tomorrow, I guess. Perhaps if I leave at 6am I will beat the traffic and be home by nightfall. Thats assuming my neighbours don’t decide start another riot or something.

YOU made me like this, Dublin. My television works, but I am huddled behind my comfortable couch waiting for the man in the Celtic jersey to arrive and take it all away.

But my little house has POTENTIAL. Potential that simply isn’t being realised when I’m sitting on my arse. One of these days I’m going to take that bus PAST Inchicore and find out what all the fuss is about. So now, instead of sitting comfortably, relaxing in my sitting room, I’m standing at the window, observing the heroin addicts in the gutter below, as my 35 year old son struggles to read the classifieds in The Sun to find some place to live that he and his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend can afford.

With a paintbrush in hand the remote control is relegated to my arse pocket, because I still can’t figure out how to use it. Last night I watched The Matrix Reloaded. It was really good but I still don’t understand who those guys with the sunglasses were.

If only you were more like Cork. I’d be able to keep my paintbrushes in a shed where they belong. For my €330,000 I would be living in a bigger house, with a nice garden, in a safer area, without having to deal with the traffic and the living cost and the ignorant locals who think that Laois is something you hang your dog with. There’d be peeling paint and rising damp, because I’d be enjoying life with a can of Murphy’s, waiting for my rugby team to come on the telly and win the Heineken Cup. Instead, I spend my days painting the walls, because I have nothing else to look forward to this summer.

A good post by Stevie G last night to let us know that Kanye is coming to Cork. I have to say, I am delighted that the Marquee is growing in strength like this. Last year there was something for everyone - music to suit all ages and a healthy mix of genres. I only went to the Nick Cave concert, but there were half a dozen other performances that I would have gone to, like Brian Wilson.

I was slightly disappointed with the lineup this year, despite the quality of the acts (Bob Dylan, Art Garfunkel, Christy Moore, David Gray, Des Bishop, Robert Plant, Roger Waters, The Frames) they’ve all been around the block a few times and theres nothing really new or exciting there. If I haven’t seen them in the past, its because I didn’t think they were worth the fee (yes, I’m talking to you, Arthur). While I won’t be going to Kanye West this year, I am content to watch the marquee grow in importance, and hopefully this will continue as an annual event for years to come.

Heres an exclusive via Steven in Skibbereen: some time in the next hour or so, the Church Restaurant will be a smouldering heap.

The Church attracted some interest when it opened a couple of years ago, by the well known owner of Currans on Adelaide Street in Cork. Currans is a restaurant with a twist, as it is made up of radiators, staircase, tables, etc., which all came from well known Cork landmarks (cinemas, hospitals, schools) that were closed down. The Church has a gimmick of its own - as the name would imply, the restaurant is (was) inside a church.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.