James Galvin

I was examining the junk mails that made it through the spam filter yesterday, wondering about the lengths that spammers have to go to in order to dodge Spam Assassin, and how many people actually respond to advertisements for V!agr$Aa. One of the more common characteristics of spam emails is a variety of colours in the text - a blue header, red sub-heading, green text, etc. I was amazed to learn from a colleague that, statistically, spam emails with multi-coloured text receive a much higher response than plain text. So, many of the internet users who do sign up for Fr€e un1vrs+y d1pl.o/\/\as are lured partially by the colourful text. It made me wonder about the type of people who click on these links. Surely there are no Irish people among them, right?

Phishing is a very different story, and unfortunately there seems to be no shortage of Irish among the victims of the latest Banking 365 scams.

BANK of Ireland issued a warning to its customers yesterday on online fraud as it emerged that seven customers of the bank have now lost a total of €113,000 to an internet swindle.

So who are the suckers who handed over their bank details? According to the Independent they are:

• A golf professional in North Dublin lost €16,900
• An environmental consultant in Dublin lost €5,000
• A small farmer in Galway lost €6,700
• A receptionist from the capital lost €7,600
• A midlands-based sales manager who was defrauded of €49,100
• A Kilkenny businesswoman who lost €12,000
• A university professor who lost €15,500

I have great sympathy for these people - some of these phishing attacks are very well crafted, and an inexperienced internet user can easily be fooled. But if you’re stupid/ignorant enough to fall for a scam, it is a costly lesson but you can only blame yourself. This group of people are taking on Bank of Ireland, demanding compensation. The receptionist goes so far as to say that it is was not her fault that she fell for this extremely common and basic scam:

The Dublin receptionist said yesterday her account had been used to lodge stolen cheques by the fraudsters. They had later withdrawn the money and Bank of Ireland was now insisting that the woman was liable for a deficit of €7,600 in her current account.

“I have no intention of paying one penny. It was not my fault fraudsters used my account to launder money,” she said.

While I hate banks, and 95% of the time I love to see them have to fork out in lawsuits, this time around I have to side with the BoI. The internet can be a dangerous place, I’m sure even the Galway farmer knew that when he got his Eircom 25 dialup account. There is no shortage of warnings, and a responsible internet user will surely take the time to inform himself about the potential dangers of online banking, and e-commerce. If anything, public tends to exaggerate the actual danger on the internet in my experience. I know there have been some horror stories on Bebo and Myspace and ICQ, but if you have a bit of sense and your eyes open then you would have to be extremely unlucky to fall into some internet pothole… it is certainly a lot safer than crossing the road.

To the receptionist from Dublin, let me tell you about a character from Skibbereen called Paddy Banana. I’m not sure how he got his name… I have been told that it was something to do with a banana-eating contest in Schull, but that is not relevant to my story. Paddy Banana was an old man with a shiny bald head and a waddly gait, well known in West Cork and often feared by the tourists because of his tendency to remove his false teeth and chase people down the street, clattering them in his hand. Paddy Banana made a few bob selling used lottery tickets. On a sunny day, he might take a trip to a neighbouring town, or more often than not he would just hang out in Skibb. Covering the date with his thumb, he would sell expired tickets of any description to whomever was willing to part with a few pounds. Occasionally, a self-righteous victim would demand money back, which would usually result in a very short conversation with Paddy’s false teeth. Now, receptionist, do you think that those aggrieved tourists have the right to claim compensation from the National Lottery?

The bank gave you a key. If somebody had broken into your account using brute force or an exploit, then I would be backing you fully. But you handed over your key to a Nigerian in a fake BoI uniform. By all means, press the bank for compensation. Demand that they launch an awareness campaign and increase the security of their online banking. But remember that on the internet there is nobody holding your hand, and there are always scammers ready to lure you away with their shiny multi-coloured text.

And yes I do understand how unlikely the Cork double would be, since it will surely be third time lucky for Kerry, right? Just back from a drizzly Páirc an Chrócaigh where Cork defeated Waterford in a very close game. Hogan stand has a report here which agrees with Aertel’s score of 1-16 to 1-15… I was under the impression that Cork had 1-17, but makes no difference, either way it was another extremely tight game which has kept cardiologists in the Regional busy after the 1 point victory over Donegal yesterday in the football championship.

I have to commiserate with the Déise fans, this team deserves an all-ireland final at the very least, and I would liked to have seen them get a crack at Kilkenny. They had a very strong team today, with John “turkey head” Mullane having been allowed out of the institution for the occasion. Parts of the stand erupted in “gobble gobble gobble” whenever he had the ball, and it looked like he was indeed going to lose his head, towards the end of the match.

Cork City FC were knocked out of the Champions League this evening after a heavy 3-0 loss at the hands of Red Star Belgrade / Crvena Zvezda. The gulf between the sides was evident for the 90 minutes, and despite a shaky defence, Red Star were rarely threatened. The Serbians will now go on to face AC Milan in the third qualifying round, with a place in the group stages for the winner, and UEFA cup for the loser.

Cork City were missing five star players (unfortunately that isn’t an exaggeration), and although it wouldn’t have changed the overall outcome, its a shame that our most creative players were unavailable.

• 2005-2006 player of the year: George O’Callaghan
• Irish international: Joe Gamble
• Defender: Danny Murphy
• Star striker: John O’Flynn
• Captain: Dan Murray

Man of the match tonight was Dave Barry for having to put up with Roddy Collins in studio. Although, as much as I hate to say it, Roddy was right about CCFC’s squad going backwards in the past 12 months. When you consider the quality of the players that went out - Kevin Doyle, Liam Kearney, Greg O’Halloran, Shane Long and now maybe George O’Callaghan, there has been very little done to improve the first team.

I know it stems from the fact that the club is bankrolled by a guy who made his money selling burgers and chips, but I had hoped that after all the success last season that we’d bring in a decent left-winger at least. Now to look forward to Derry City vs Gretna in the UEFA cup.

You’re a Star. You’re a waste of my TV licence fee more like. The best thing RTE has produced in recent years, Reeling in the Years, didn’t cost them a penny and is now repeated more often than the Simpsons “Timmy O’Toole Trapped Down the Well” episode. But they continue to play it safe with more cop-out reality TV, and mock us with their complete lack of creativity or common sense.

Celebrity You’re a Star… I turned it on because I wanted to hear John Aldridge singing. How could I have been such a fool. You’re a Star has been a source of so much anger for me in the past, its back and worse than ever. How can they continue to do this to us? The people at RTE - they axed our favourite radio shows and now they continue to torture us with the four most despised faces on RTE:

Pestilence

Louis Walsh: Nausea incarnate. I won’t feed his ego by mentioning him anymore.

The fact that the show is a success despite these huge obstacles hints at the potential it could have, given some halfway acceptable presenters. RTE - please conduct a survey to prove me wrong. Honestly, I don’t think its possible to do worse than you have managed with this cast. I would sooner watch a dozen Ant and Decs co-presenting with Ryan Tubridy. What would it take for you to listen to your viewers?

I was in the Guinness Storehouse yesterday, since my brother and his wife were here on holiday. On a Saturday afternoon in July it was always likely to be busy, but this was a queue of Madame Tussauds proportions. As a result, this item on Bernie Goldbach’s Sunday paper round-up does not surprise me:

10. What is the most-visited fee-charging tourist attraction in Dublin? The Guinness Storehouse, with 780,851 visitors in 2005, according to Failte Ireland.

Over 3/4 of a million visitors, and what was the price? €14.00 each for adults! You spend an hour willfully absorbing pro-Guinness propoganda, and get a “free” pint at the end of your tour with a nice view of the city. Fair enough, its interesting to see how the drink is made, to see the hops in particular (did you know they can grow to 15metres tall?) but I was struck by what a goldmine Guinness have here. All these Americans and Germans and Australians will go back home and tell their friends all about Arthur Guinness and his interesting brewing techniques.

It says a lot that the highlight of the tour for me was watching all the old Guinness ads (which I could just as easily watch on YouTube on a screen which is not covered in fingerprint smudges). Guinness should be paying us to visit their store house.

Cork City 1 - 1 Apollon Limassol (2-1 agg)

Cork City drew with the Cypriot champions tonight in Nicosia, and thus they advance to the next qualifying round of the Champions League. For long spells Apollon were a handful, with their star player - the Polish international Å?ukasz Sosin - looking particularly dangerous. It was he who scored the inevitable goal which had seemingly turned the tie, but Cork City responded by stepping up a gear and attacking continuously, looking the better side in the second half. The decisive goal came from Neale Fenn’s corner which was powerfully headed into the top left corner of the net by the big defender, Dan Murray. A great performance as usual between the posts by Mick Devine (who has proved himself to be a first rate keeper over the past few years), and some top notch defending by the back four.

Next up for the Rebel Army is an encounter with the former superstars Red Star Belgrade, aka Crvena Zvezda from Serbia. This is the team that won the Champions League outright in 1991, and currently have a number of World Cup internationals in the side. The first leg takes place next Wednesday in Turners Cross.

While the Limassol game was a battle of equals, this is clearly a David vs Goliath fixture, and it would be unfair to expect a result for City, but this is one to look forward to nonetheless.

Still shellshocked by Tuesday night’s activities outside my Cork Street window (almost equalled on the Wednesday and Thursday), I dreaded to see what my first Friday night would bring in this pocket of madness in Dublin’s south inner city. What transpired was beyond anything I would have predicted.

The ambulance arrived, as it does every day. While the paramedics went into the flat, their ambulance was hijacked.

The ambulance was stolen in Dublin city centre last night as the crew were treating a patient in an apartment block in the Cork Street area of the city.

The vehicle was driven around the area and was damaged extensively. A number of cars in the area were also damaged.

I used to think Farranree was bad… where bored kids would throw stones at you and occasionally burn down houses for a laugh, but joyriding with an ambulance takes it to a new level (I blame GTA). Last week I was only joking about putting up the webcam, but my God… you could sell this stuff.

Job done in Turner’s Cross this evening as Cork City drove the Cypriot team Apollon Limassol to their first defeat since May 2005 in this Champions League first round qualifier. I was shocked by the poor quality of football from Apollon at times, but it took a nice goal in the second half by Billy Woods for Cork to capitalise. No match report on the official website yet, and it seems their forum has just been hacked so the webmaster could be busy this evening.

I was sickened going into this match by the loss of John O’Flynn due to injury, but moreso by the loss of George O’Callaghan due to a load of shite between himself and the manager, Damien Richardson. I think its disgraceful that such a situation can escalate to this extent - it is in everyone’s best interest that GOC be available for such important and high profile games. If Georgie’s statement in the examiner had any truth to it then questions need to be asked of Rico’s handling of the situation. A course in basic psychology and people management would do a lot of good for some Irish managers.

The second leg in Cyprus will be a different story altogether. The heat will cripple the pale white Irishmen, while the Cypriots will be reinforced by a traditionally strong home form in Europe which has seem them claim many scalps against top European opposition over the years. 1-0 is not comfortable, but its one step closer to Belgrade.

When I gave an account of my adventures in some dodgy parts of Dublin’s south inner city, I had no idea that I had been right outside my sister’s apartment. Today I started working in Dublin, and I am temporarily using her empty room overlooking Saint Theresa’s Gardens (flats from hell), a very dodgy vacant lot, and a centre-of-the-universe Centra. I have been hearing stories the past few months regarding the entertainment provided by this Centra at night, far better than anything the television can offer. I assumed the stories of drug dealing in the vacant lot, and nightly fights and arrests outside the Centra were exaggerated, but it seems this place is as crazy as promised.

My first night’s entertainment was provided by a drunk guy getting thrown out of Centra by a security guard and two paramedics, and being taken into an ambulance. I don’t know what happened inside the shop, but twice he put his arms around the security guard and kissed him as he was being dragged away. The shutter was drawn on the shop, and the staff spent the following twenty minutes I guess cleaning up whatever damage the man had done.

They were still at it when the man returned, and shouted through the shutter “Come here you fucking bastard, do you want to start a war?” over and over again. Just before the police arrived, the man scurried off and hid in the vacant lot. I observed the unmarked Garda car do a few laps of the area trying to find him, while some other Gardai ushered the staff of Centra out of the shop.

A few minutes later the police were gone and the man reappeared at the shop and started trying to kick the doors in. Defeated by the shutter, he eventually gave up. I’ve got to put a webcam up here, this place is nuts.

The woman at the counter grunted to inform me that there was no ketchup. Cafe Kylemore will win no awards for service, but my god, what joy their sausages bring. No better way to say goodbye to Corcaigh and to Ireland… that is at least until Lennox chipper opens in the new terminal. I wonder if they’ll be open for the early flights… what a fine breakfast my traditional fare would make - breast in a bun, curry chips (with two onion rings “accidentally” thrown in for free if its not busy) one cheese and onion pie and a battered sausage. I’d skip the fried chicken on account of it being 6am.

There was a time when Cork airport was, without a doubt, the best airport in the universe. You could relax with Jack Charlton beside the well-stocked fish pond. You could tip your hat to Christy Ring before a quick game of Tekken 2 in the arcade. There were exotic fish tanks everywhere, and the whole place was pristine clean without a queue in sight. Getting off the plane, you could be carrying a nuclear bomb and the passport man would wink and let you through. I estimate that 2001 was the beginning of Cork Airport’s descent into mediocrity. In fairness, it is still a decent airport, and I don’t expect them to maintain the high standards they set for themselves in the past.

As much as the idea of a Lennox breakfast appeals to me, Terminal 2 - aka “the moneypit” can only be bad news for those of us who like to get off the plane and back home in 26 minutes (my current record). The long term parking lot is a disaster. A little minibus which can fit approx 4 and a half people put-puts back and forth to airport, so if you have a pram and some luggage you might as well call a taxi. At the moment I’m sitting outside gate 5 (I didn’t even know there was a gate 5) with my Examiner.

Trout stocks in Shannon threatened by chub. The irish Fisheries board have decided to clamp down and ban the introduction of new non-irish species into Irish waterways. Does this mean that it wasn’t illegal before now? I can’t even bring a turnip into the country from Romania, but up until now it would have been OK to set loose a colony of these Eastern European wels catfish?

Drink ads are banned during Joey. The examiner claims that “the hit TV series” attracts many young viewers. I’m wondering how they can label this a hit TV series when it got axed in its second season after ratings dropped 89%. And whats all this about attracting lots of young viewers? Feel free to correct me on this, but I don’t think there is anybody in Ireland (young or otherwise) who has watched more than 1 curiosity-satisfying episode of this absolute flop.

Shay Given has been granted Freedom of Donegal. This means that he can graze his sheep in Gweedore Park, and plant guns in any caravan he chooses.

Finally, cheers for the completion of the Mitchelstown bypass. Although Cheeseville was never as deadly a bottleneck as Monasterevin or Abbeyleix, there have been times when I caught badly caught there (usually during a festival or a rally). Thats another 10 minutes saved.