James Galvin

Quake.ie’s resident Belgian has sent word of police raid on a LAN party in the small town of Bazel that has left 18 computer gamers in a lot of trouble. This article claims that it has become increasingly common for Belgian justice system to target LAN parties, in order to diminish the use of illegal software.

According to the Belgian Federal Computer Crime Unit, over 150,000 illegal files have been found, which amounts to a 75,000 Euro copyright violation. Organizers claim everything has been confiscated and that authorities regard this as a serious matter. Gamers above 18 faces serious charges for posession of pirated software. Juveniles will be facing a youth judge and milder penalties.

Although I have heard stories of a harsh and frighteningly efficient Benelux police force, images of An Garda Síochána struggling to come to terms with a speedgun makes the scene in Bazel difficult to envisage. Clearly this was some elite Belgian squadron trained in the use of specialist firearms, Krav Maga, and Microsoft Windows.

I can see them now: solemn, heroic, computer-literate fighting machines, adamantine muscles bunched beneath heavy kevlar. Violently yet gracefully, they crash through the double doors of the Bazel Regional Cub Scout Hall, anxious but determined as they mentally prepare for the grim task ahead. Focused. Disciplined. The frequent training drills now a reality, as they cautiously encircle the enemy. Alert to potential danger, they confront their quarry. 18 supects apprehended, mostly children but a number of adults and at least one suspected Al’Qaeda official. An estimated €75,000 worth of digital merchandise confiscated - including a cracked version of Serious Sam 2, Adobe Photoshop 5.0, and almost all of Pokemon Series 3.

Thanks to these brave men, the people of Belgium can sleep soundly tonight - safe in the knowledge that the social scourge embodied by K1llerD0nkey_2000 and his vile associates can no longer terrorise the nation with their unlicensed computer games.